America the Ugly, I Still Belong to You

One Big Unhappy Family

“My neighbor with the anti-Trump bumper sticker doesn’t talk to me anymore,” my Dad said when I was visiting my parents in New Jersey this week.

“The same thought had crossed my mind,” I told him.

“Yeah, but family is different,” he answered.

Is it? I wondered. I feel I do have the choice; I can do whatever I want. But I also feel he is right. I would keep talking to my family even if they start shooting people on Fifth Avenue, never mind how disapproving I am of their political choices.

“Still staying in the country?” someone else asked me in November.

“Oh yeah, I’m staying. They should move.” My wife and I did renew our passports though. They were going to expire next year. We would have renewed them anyway. But maybe not quite as quickly.

I had hopes for my father. He had been on the Trump Train early. Since the days of Nelson Rockefeller, he had been saying that a rich guy should be president. “He doesn’t need to steal.”   One afternoon I was sitting in the office in my house, looking at my computer screen from the same seat I am sitting in now, when I checked the news on the internet and saw mobs surging into the Capitol. I instinctively called him up and yelled, “Is this what you wanted? This is the country you want?” “No, it’s terrible!” he yelled back. Later my Dad told me that the president had crossed an unacceptable line and that he was done with him.

Dad was the only Trump fan I knew who broke with the Great Leader after January 6, and I really thought he was off the Trump train for good. Add it to my other bad predictions:

“If Obama can hold the economy together enough that unemployment doesn’t pass 10%, he will be golden.”

“If inflation does not go much higher than 10% and comes down without causing a major recession like the last time the government brought inflation down, Biden will be golden.”

“If Trump loses tomorrow, he may claim he won, but it will not matter because Republicans believe in democracy as much as Democrats do.”

“Seeing these guys fight with police on the steps of the Capitol is horrifying, but at least Trump is finally finished.”

Instead of a riot and an attempted coup driving away voters, Trump did slightly better than in 2020 or 2016.  I had hope when Biden relinquished his re-election hopes but I was not surprised when the results came. Too many people who did not seem to especially like Trump were clearly leaning towards voting for him again. Here are a series of quotes (as accurate as memory can reproduce, which is probably not too accurate) from one friend of mine:

July 2021: “Alright, he wasn’t impeached, but he is being prosecuted. The system is working! He will not be coming back.”

December 2023: “OK, he will be the nominee. But the system worked last time, Biden took office. The checks and balances will hold him if he comes back. And he probably won’t even win.”

June 2024: “If the nominee is Harris, no way I’m voting for her.”

My Mom’s faith in The Great Leader never waivered. In my childhood she was not interested in history or politics, but now she can keep Fox News on the TV all day and become an expert on any topic without having to read a single page of a book. And I can learn Sean Hannity’s thoughts on any issue by mentioning a story from the day’s news.

Dad claims to watch both Fox and CNN to get varied viewpoints, but when I talk to him, it sure does not seem like that.

“Fox paid an $800 million settlement for lying about the voting machines? Did that really happen?”

“Obama deported millions of illegal aliens? I never heard that.”

He said he was through with Trump, but a few years of daily propaganda, reinforcing the things he already believed, was too much. He and my Mom made sure to mail in their absentee Florida ballots.

I’m not going to stop talking to my parents.

I told a friend that I don’t really blame my Mom, but my Dad should know better. The friend asked, “Is your Mother a woman?” “Yes.” “Than she should know better.”

Well, she should know better, but she doesn’t. I do not believe that trying to punish her will change her mind about anything.

I heard once there was a Haredi rabbi who would respond to disagreements about Jewish law by excommunicating people. That meant that he would not talk to them. The thing was, he had a very small following so being excommunicated by him was not very significant to the person he excommunicated. After a while, he had excommunicated so many people that there were very few people that he and his followers would allow themselves to interact with. He had effectively excommunicated himself.

Sure, Blue America and Red America could excommunicate each other. I don’t see what benefit that would bring me or anyone else. I hope that there is still some benefit to hearing from people on the other side. Otherwise, all Red America will hear is stuff like this:

Note to Self for Surviving Next Four Years

  1. In the spirit of Slow News, do not obsess over every outrage every day. Filter for the big picture.
  2. Have some intellectual humility. Even if something is said by a habitual liar, it may still be true. Issues like trade or illegal immigration are complicated and  I do not have a monopoly on correct answers.
  3. Do not assume the worst. Not every horrible tweet is the End of Democracy As We Know It. It is quite possible that Term II will be no worse than Term I.
  4. Do not assume we are safe from the worst.  The president-elect has already shown he will ignore ethical and legal constraints, and his supporters have shown that they will excuse any crime. It is quite possible we will face the worst crisis since the Civil War.

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